dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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