why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
