So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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