i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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