your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
