Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
as a side note pls kill me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
