3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
