Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
