Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
