I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
