The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
