i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
