How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
