There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
