Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We are two peas in an std pod
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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