dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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