I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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