At least make sure they are 18
Why
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
