She went from zero to smokin in five shots
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we should paint friendship bongs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
