No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
then he tried to convert me to islam
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
