I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
