Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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