ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
