Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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