My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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