it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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