Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
