I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
