Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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