it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
