I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
