you turned your livingroom into a bong?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
