i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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