Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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