Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
