He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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