So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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