Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
