Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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