I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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