So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
