then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
