Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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