i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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