your parents love me but you hate me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
