so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
