He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
