now i know why i became what i already was.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
