apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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