I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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